the train never comes...
"i hate to think of you waiting...when i am dead...stop waiting and be free...of me...put me deep inside of you and then go out in the world and live... love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element. i have given you a life of suspended animation... you have created beauty and meaning...for me you have been everything...i love you always...time is nothing..." - taken from The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
it is probably one of the most difficult things you can ever be faced with...it is something you wish you never had to do...
but since you are driven by a force you do not recognize yet sincerely respect...you do it...you wait.
you fumble with your fingers...you try to read a good book...
you sing a song in your head as you wonder about that last look.
wanting something...
something to happen, something to feel...
something to finally manifest itself...to make it real...
you try to write something...scenarios and what could be's
your chest burns with longing, the yearnings never cease...
you wonder how much longer you should put your life on hold
for one who's neither here nor there, one who's neither hot nor cold...
why must you wait you ask...
why must you put on another mask...
why can't you just will them to come true...
why doesn't it want it as bad as you do...
there's something really selfish about it...this type of fate...
blocking the world around you...
nothing else matters
but the one you anticipate...
wait...wait...wait...
the clock keeps on ticking...
wait...wait...wait...
the world keeps on turning...
your time, your energy, your hand, your heart, your soul...
every bit of you moves toward this one thing as you dig a deeper hole...
some may think you're losing it,
for waiting for something that will never really fit...
but as long as you believe it's worth it...
worth losing precious time for...
as long as your head, your heart can see it...
touch it, taste it...and you still want more...
then do as you may...wait...wait...
till you reach that all rewarding state...
go trust your instincts, the passion inside you that always hums...
even when you know while wishing...while waiting...
the train never really comes...
posted by kelly at Tuesday, August 08, 2006
4 Comments:
"it was eternity in a fleeting second,
as your voice made me smile,
instantly, as time lost all its meaning,
an addiction in me formed.
then came the insatiable hunger
of an intrigued heart
yearning,
to hear that voice again and again.
I became, once more,
a mere mortal,
defenseless to a rushing of emotions,
as I, wittingly,
allow my addiction to take over."
-ME
It is true that first impressions never last but they do play a vital role. They provide an avenue for anything and everything to develop, and I'm not just talking about love or infatuation, it goes deep into other aspects of a person's life---in business, in the practice of a profession, how you deal with friends---basically, your interaction with other fellow human beings. Your first impression usually fuels your interest in things or persons and produces in you the willingness and/or curiosity that make you want to discover more.
My first impression of you fired up my interest and I find myself just listening to you everyday. I am, admittedly, intrigued.
I don't know you, I have no idea as to every little detail, whether significant or trivial, that makes you YOU:
I don't know how you take your coffee, your favorite color, or the color of your dog's fur;
I don't know what makes you laugh, and what makes you cry, what ticks you off (hopefully not this letter) and what turns you on;
I don't know the best book you've ever read, or if you agree with Shakespeare when he said that we should kill all the lawyers;
I don't know your least favorite body part, and the ones that you just adore;
I don't know who has broken your heart in such a way as to spawn writings that you so generously share with everyone in your blog (blog?? or whatever you call it);
I don't even know where you get that nice, friendly nature that you have.
I don't know you and yet I find myself tuned in everyday (and honestly, Mon-Thu 9-12am, and Fri 3-6pm are the very best parts of my every weekday).
Just by listening to you, I am mesmerized . . . . and am even more so now that I've somehow glimpsed pieces of you through your writings.
Thank you.
Good luck.
And may the kindness that you so graciously give to others return two-fold.
an avid fan - 10
hey there 10...let me guess...you're a lawyer huh? hee hee...no worries, i don't agree with Shakespeare when it comes to killing your kind :)
clearly, this is one of the nicest, most intriguing and flattering comments i have ever received since i started this blog (yes sweetie, that's what we call it...hehe)
i was smiling while i was reading and still smiling as i reply to your comment now...my cheeks hurt and are officially flexed for the rest of the day...
you have a blog account and yet you don't have anything in your blog...why so?...
i do love what you wrote here...and i'm sure there's more where that came from...
please do blog and post a profile so we can all experience you too...
bless your heart always...
i am sincerely honored to be the recipient of all the nice things you've written on this page...
thank you 10.
now, is that how you rate yourself i wonder...hehehe...kidding!
always, always...
kellyo:)
haha, my kind, eh? If self-preservation weren't an overriding factor, I would agree with Shakespeare. Kidding aside, no matter what kind, I believe in what I learned from one cartoon movie---that you can shine no matter what you're made of. So I'm proud to be of that "kind" even if a Shakespeare fan club has been established because of his pleasant suggestion.
BLOG --- haha thank you for teaching me something new today. I always thought that blog is the sound you hear when you fall down. Honestly, a lot of things about the internet are relatively new to me so that's probably the reason why I haven't posted anything on my blog---I'm afraid I'm not capable. Signing up for a blog account (???) was already an effort, but I did it just the same so I can place a comment on yours and thank you for making my day every time. I don't even have a friendster account (again --- friendster??? or whatever you call it). I pride myself in being the hands-on kind, but... but....but.....this is nice, I'm experiencing the benefit of anonymity that this type of technology provides.
I'm glad that I'm able to return the favor and somehow be instrumental in stretching your cheek muscles. The fact that you replied to my letter made my heart jump a bit (alright, not jump a bit---more like somersaults). So thanks, for being very kind.
By the way, 10 --- it's not how I rate myself, for your information. It's how many times I say your name...because it's really nice, perfect.
That's it, a new word in my vocabulary --- kelly meaning perfect.
Thanks.
so you are a lawyer:) nice...
as for you not being able to blog, i seriously doubt that... your compositions, your words, your constructions are very impressive...you can say whatever you want...and yes, still enjoy a bit of (or a lot of) anonimity...it's your little domain...you show only as much as you want to show...
i can't wait to read your stuff...the minute you decide to post some entries in your blog...
"legal minds"...it even has a nice ring to it...so please? hee hee...
i am big on anonimity too...though in the business that i'm in, it's really pretty difficult to enjoy that lately...
as for 10 and what you say it means...wow, such a tall order sir, i'm afraid i may disappoint and not meet your expectations...ack!
but thank you just the same...bless your kind and generous heart every single beat it makes...
;)
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